In these final days.

It's that time of year again. The time when I can sit down to dinner with my friends, and start the panicked talks about who's getting what, who's show is trash and who's do we really want to get in. Everything is great now, we're all complimenting each other with "Yeah, oh course you'll be in that one." or "God, that role would be great for you."

Next week will be a different story. All weekend we'll be on edge. Hugging and weighing the competition. After that, when the lists go up, I know that some friends will cease to be friends, and that some people will choose to gloat, while others become bitter recluses. Mind you, this isn't forever, but at least a week in the wake of the cast lists... and on top of everything else, we're starting the new school year.

And THAT is something that I should be focusing on. Maya was so good last night when we walked into Hapa. She instantly had a huge grin on her face looking around the place with two huge loud groups. I looked at her and she says "Look, it's old friends getting together." I continued to focus on her, just as I've looked at my other close friends through these final days of summer and she continued with "I just want to spend this year taking in everything."

All I could respond with was that that was healthy. Perhaps I'm too jaded already. I used to be able to walk into a room and let its happiness fill me, and I wouldn't need anything else to be a happy or positive person. Instead now I feel like I'm floating, and nothing can actually affect me. Time to make a change; to find the positivity. I laugh when others would become frustrated, to smile when others are sad, to find the silver lining. I think I already do this, but its been harder recently to just be easy, and not so cold and business-like all the time.

I probably really do need the therapy I've been looking into.

But, despite that I've had some great days. Days that are perfect example of summer winding down. The one where you feel you can just look out on the world with a grin on your face as it goes by and you sit with your friends, feeling that world of satisfaction, silence and comradery.

On Saturday all I had to do was go to Macbeth's final show, but it had been pouring rain all night before (I love when I leave the theatre looking like I just got pushed fully dressed into a pool) and it was looking like it was just going to be rainy and cold all day. Clearly all I wanted to do was wear sweatpants and slippers and hats all day. But while I was in bed I decided I needed breakfast with friends. No on answered their phones, or had money... until Nathan and Nathan! So the three of us went to the original pancake house. It was funny because although I never knew these guys until I was a sophmore in college, the morning we had felt like a cold conifer morning while getting breakfast on a weekend of high school. Going back in time like that is always a trip.

After some car and bike switching we made it back to Coopers place and waiting for Pat, David, and Moose. Excellent. We walked to Pearl and I got to dress Fulton up like a London Rocker and he actually bought what I wanted him too, which was excellent. Despite mockeries from our friends, we proceeded to Connors, and sat around drinking beers with Julie in tow too, and it was a wonderfully nice place to be right then. A nice long day with friends.

And so, our summers wind down back into the grind, and I have to say goodbye. Goodbye to the long summer days that are easy and up late. I after December have to become an adult, and relinquish my summer days to those who have yet to have their turn, and I become one more person who has to get up early, and has work stacking up on them.

Or perhaps, everything will work out wonderfully and I'll get everything I ever wanted.