Thanks Friends.

I don't know how long this has been going on, but part of me feels that since college started those four short years ago I've never trusted any of my friends. This is strange. I love when I get to be with people, and I love spending time with as many people as possible, but I've felt that none of the people I spend time with I can let totally in, and can completely let my guard down. I've experienced the sensation that although people say they love you, and enjoy your presence, these are bold faced lies, and they talk the shittiest shit about you behind your back.

I think its this profession. Being an actor in a competitive deparment means that we're on top of each other all the time, and competing for the same affections and parts. I've certainly had my days when I can say without a doubt I've been used, so I think keeping people at arms length has become commonplace.

And I don't like that, and I think its the source of why I sometimes find myself unhappy.

Until Recently.

Thank you to Nick, Mick and Ashley who have made this a wonderful summer. Thank you especially to Nick, because nobody else would answer their phone at the beginning of the summer, but he did. When everyone else was too busy or too self absorbed, he didn't care that I wanted to just sit around and hang out. Or that I wanted to be with a friend every day. Then Mick and Ashley were back, and we spent incredible amounts of time together, to the point where I feel weird calling other people, and I love it. Then Maya came back, and the cookie adventures with Ashley and myself as well, were girly and wonderful. I feel like I have a friend family. The type you're supposed to get in college, where these people become the most important people in your life, who you can be yourself around, and they don't judge, they just help, and care and love.

It's what I've been looking for four years, and I finally have people I can trust and I don't have to keep at arms reach. I don't know why it's been so hard for me to even do that, but it has, and slowly I'm letting my guard down, and letting people in and putting down my tired arms and all I can ask, is to please stay. Please keep the switch on. I need to not have my friendship heart trampled on anymore.

I feel everything. Perhaps I feel too much.