The Best Cowboys always have Daddy Issues.

I'm late for Physics. As usual. As I'm walking out the door late, True Life: I'm looking for my Father is on. I can't help but sit here and watch it. I am numb watching it. These people are all in such different situations, but some sliver of their lives is exactly the same as mine. Its like I'm reaching out through space and time and we understand this memory that always lives in the very back of our minds. Not on your mind particularly, but always a brief reflection in a vast space. The first commercial to come on is for the Marines; reminding me of how they always protect their country and each other. These people are so bitter. I feel nothing right now.

america, fuck yeah.

Barack Obama is the next president of the United States.

Watching his acceptance speech brought tears to my eyes. I know the man isn't perfect, and that he hides behind his oratory abilities, but if anyone can change this country, he can. We need the change. We need this man. More than 65% of people under 28 voted for Barack, proving that he is the choice of the future, he is the figure head of what America can be.

Can be.

Now all we can do is try. Try our fucking damndest to let this man help us be what our country should be.

You make art because you have to.

How I Learned to Drive opens in two days. I've been at the end of an emotional rope in regards to it throughout the process; going through everything in my head, and dealing with my issues as an actor a lot. But, I think we're at a good place, and I'm finally feeling relaxed enough to just have fun, and play in my scenes, and just feel and go through the beautiful catharsis of theatre, and feel that this show is why one does theatre and feels the need to create art.

Sitting in my musical theatre class we watched clips from Fiddler on the Roof. Hearing the musical strains of Tradition brought back all of the memories of doing this show EIGHT years ago as a sophmore in High School. Getting into Drive was redeeming when I got cast because I felt that for the first time in four and a half years of college I was respected as an actor, and not just as a singer. However, I never thought of the parallels to that show so long ago, when I cried at seeing the cast list and got my first ROLE. I was Chava, and I got to not only spend my time with the other seniors who got cast, and see how they worked, but I got to ACT. I was crying on stage every night as I was disowned, and I got to sing and dance. It still resonates in my memory as the most beautiful, wonderful, simple show I have ever been in. It was also the first time my mother told me she believed in me and my abilities, and that I had her blessing to do this for the rest of my life.

So as I look forward to the rest of my life, I feel I have come full circle because I believe, and give myself the blessing to continue to make and live art every day of my life.

Taking stock of what I have and what I haven't.

I have had a very "deep" day today. I woke up early, and showered, and since I was up so early in the cold, I kept feeling like I was getting ready to go to high school again. I can't believe I used to get up as early as I did, when I can barely make ten o'clock classes nowadays. Then, it didn't help that I was using a shampoo I haven't used since I was sixteen, and the scent memory (the only good memory I have) was taking me back in a major way. Then as I got dressed over and over again, a process similar to the dressing habits that have never left me, I decided to duck under my bed and brush the severe dust off of the pink photo album that Noel gave me for my birthday in October of my Senior year.

She gave it to me because it was common knowledge to any of my friends, especially the ones in choir, that I was on a camera kick and decided that I would just take a lot of pictures because I wouldn't ever want to forget the destined to be epic senior year. I kept a kodak disposable camera in my bag every day for the whole year, and actually continued to do so until I finally got my first digital camera for my birthday my sophmore year of college. However, that is a different story.

What resulted was one pink photo album with pages that are the perfect snapshots of one year of my life in which I was a budding photographer, as well as a budding human being. In those pictures I can see the girl I know I'm about to become; teetering on being an individual who was ready to hit the world as a full force. I can also see the innocence of being and believing in a love that was unbelievable. I wasn't quite as jaded and tired as I am now. I guess certain things are sacrificed as time goes by.

And now, being in college and looking back on the whole thing, it isn't as epic as I once believed it was. This is comforting as I'm feeling rather weary about the next stage of my life.